Author Topic: Jokes - share 'em if you got 'em.  (Read 1839 times)

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Randy Paskall

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Jokes - share 'em if you got 'em.
« on: March 27, 2013, 06:57:04 AM »
Swiped from another board. 8)

"FaceBook problems"

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".

The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.


Sorry, but you weren't catching that fish anyway.....

Todd Oishi

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Re: Jokes - share 'em if you got 'em.
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2013, 06:48:47 AM »
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
For me, the quality of a trout is not measured in inches or pounds, but rather by the journey and circumstances that allowed our paths to cross...

Chris Puchniak

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Re: Jokes - share 'em if you got 'em.
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2013, 08:52:57 AM »
I'm going to stick to a bit of a fishing theme:


One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So, he tied her up and went fishing.

Pleasure is where you find it
 

 :)
I will fish anywhere and find beauty in it.

Don't be a Pessimist. Don't be an Optimist.  Be a Realist and change when you need to.

Randy Paskall

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Re: Jokes - share 'em if you got 'em.
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2013, 08:12:57 AM »
A couple were sound asleep when at 4 AM there comes a knock on the door.
Blearily the husband goes down stairs, opens the front door to find a man standing on the stoop.
"Excuse me, I was wondering if you could give me a push?", the man asked with red eyes, weaving a little on his feet.
"No, it's 4AM", the man replied and slammed the door.
Getting back under the sheets his wife asked him what that was about, and the man told her about the 'idiot' who was asking for a push.
"Now Ralph", she replied. "Remember when we had that flat tire and that nice couple came by and took both us and our flat to the mechanic, waited for them to fix the tire and then drove us all the way back to our car? Go help that fellow and give him a push."
Admonished the man went back downstairs and opened the door and stood on the stoop peering into the dark.
"Are you still out here?", he horse wispered into the empty front yard.
"Yes", he heard a short distance away.
"Still want that push?"
"Yes please!" came the reply.
Still unable to find the source of the fellow's voice even stepping further out onto the porch, Ralph asks into the nght, "Were ARE you?"
"I'm over here in the back yard, on the swing".
 ;D
Sorry, but you weren't catching that fish anyway.....

Mike Learmonth

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Re: Jokes - share 'em if you got 'em.
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2013, 08:48:20 AM »
Two guys go on a fly fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

 As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch more!"
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